Val Who?
by sneaky lunitic spy
Summary: Tital suggested by AngelOfTheUndead2. And if you want more it will be one shots just let me know if you want a sequel to one and I will try to write one kk. are we clear on that good read!
1. wierdioe

**I love you**

**I can not live with out you billy ray sanguine. Nor I with out you fletcher gay ren (an do not know what his real middle name is) lets kiss okay**_** omg hes such a good kisser billys thoughts **_

_**Omg I love this man fletchers thoughts**_

**Sorry its short and crap but I read NerdySkeletons profile and got this idea so thank her for this gross paring **


	2. coolieo

**Okay this is titled **_**WHEN IM WITH YOU Enjoy**_

**Fletchers pov**

**I was thinking about everything and I came to a conclusion I love…. "FLETCHER!" Val yelled breaking me out of my thoughts "WHAT!" I yelled back "I need you help here. You know with the giant tube of hair gel that you bought. Oh and WHY THE HELL DO YOU NEED A 36 FOOT TUBE OF HAIR GEL!" she yelled back "Well… I need it cause I need my hair to stay perfect." I said back then billy the one I love came through the floor making sure Val wasn't there I kissed him with all the emotion I could muster and he did the same while I was kissing him I teleported us to our house and for the rest of the day we did naghty things (a/n wink wink nudge nudge) then I got back to a grumpy Val who asked "WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU I STAYED UP ALL DAY YESTERDAY AT 2:00 IN THE MORNING CAUSE YOU INSITED I GET UP THAT EARLIEY THEN YOU DISAPERE TILL 12:00 TODAY AND YOU JUST NOW GET HERE!" wow she was pissed oh well my affair will have to continue in secret I cant let Skull and Ghastly to know I've been cheating on them of course I know that Billy knows and he's doing the same thing **


	3. wow i made it this far have fun reading

Name

Address 1

Address 2

Address 3

THE GREAT ESCAPE

I, Fletcher Ren, am truly in a bad position it all started with a pink fluffy flying pickle with purple wings. I know how weird that sounds and I wish I understood but-

"Fletcher, dear, come here I want to show you something." my lover sanguine said, yes the very same one that tries to kill valykrie all the time. "Coming." I said that a little sad and as I walked into the room I saw that he noticed but what surprised me was that valykrie was in the room with him. "Now now fletch. You should know when you cheat on me and a murder you will find your self between a rock and a hard place." I stared at them mostly because they had bats and…..feathers?

I gave a nervous laugh and said "What's with the bats and…feathers." they both gave me an evil look and I turned and ran with them yelling after me.

"Get back here you stupid asshole of a boyfriend!" I heard sanguine yell and then valykrie yelled "YOU SUNOFABITHCH I TRUSTED YOU!"

As I ran I found a pool that was filled with water balloons so I jumped in. Worse. Mistake. Of. My life. It bloody fucking hurt. Just think of it this way though it was like 7th grade again except instead of a teacher who broke a rib it was me. The weak boy wonder. I felt like my leg was broken. "Don't hurt me loves. Im bi well just gay actually but still I had to keep up appearances. Everyone thinks that I'm on the light side but really I'm on the dark! And if you hurt me Voldemort will kill you!" they stopped and gave me a worried look when Tom (aka Voldemort) popped up behind them HeHe this was going to be fun I was only dating them to kill them when I seduced them well here we go.

"Tom save me! There trying to kill me before I can fulfill what I wish to do with them that you said to do to them!" I said hopping he wouldn't be killed by the feathers

"Fools! I shall kill you for hurting my fletchywetchy! _avada kedavra_!" as he shot the curse at them two green balls formed and turned them into bananas. "BLOODY BANANAS TOM! THAT'S BLOODY BRILLIANT!" he turned to me and instantly healed my leg. I realized that I should get him to come in here with me because I bloody well can. "Tom. Why don't you come and join me in here." I purred at him.

Watching as his adams apple bobbed up and down with that oh so delicious gulp. "Come on Tom."

He hesitated a minute them climbed down into the pool were he was met by a passionate kiss. And one thing led to another and I'm pretty sure you get the idea" I told all of the death eaters who thought that I was bloody brilliant for getting it good with their boss. "Boasting to everyone I see." everyone turned and stared shocked this meeting was secret no one was supposed to tell Tom about it. I swallowed nervously and said. "How much did you here?" "Oh just the ending part. You should know boasting about getting into my pants wont get you any. Now tell me do you know why I came to you that night." Tom said "Uh no." I said in a pathetically weak voice. "Well I was coming to say it was time to off them. But I got that pleasure also I had to drop creating a new spell that would turn enemies into my food choice and I ended up turning them into bananas how funny." he said and he actually sounded amused. I stood up and walked over to him and kissed him then I nibbled my way to his ear. And said "Mabey we should take this to the room…we don't want followers to hear you moan anymore do we. Or to see that huge erection your sporting ." after I said that he graved hold of me and pushed us on the floor and said "Who cares if they see me ravishing you. you are mine and mine only." as he said that he was nibble on my ear making me moan.

I quickly flipped us so I was on top and using the magic tom taught me I vanished our clothing with out muttering a word or using a wand, I heard him chuckle so I looked up at him and he said "Impatient love?" in answer I just continued kissing down his chest till I got to his impressive length I kissed the end then I heard him gasp as I took him into my mouth. As I took him in I scraped my teeth along it and as I pulled back I hollowed out my cheeks I felt his hands in my hair after a few minutes stopping me. I looked up at him in question and he said "Stop or else.." but his threat wasn't very effective considering as soon as I chuckled he moaned witch caused me to moan and since I took him all the way in when he came he thrust even farther into my mouth almost chocking me as I swallowed everything he gave me. I felt him pull out of my mouth and before I could ask him what he was doing I was on my bellie and he thrust deep into me it only took a few powerful thrust until we both screamed out in we came off of our high I removed the binds on the room and said "You may leave now." before falling asleep in the arms of the one I love with him still deep inside of me.

The end I hope you guys like this it was my first try at a sex seen and I don't know about it. Remember review and tell me if it needs to be improved any and send any ideas for this story to me in reviews or privet messages I will take them all into consideration. And lastly if you haven't read lost flame or lifes what you make it By: Lyn herakeran then I suggest you do actually read anything by her. She is an awesome writer who inspires me to write.


	4. I hope you like it For Lyn Harkeran

Luny POV

I was investigating a murder. And not just any murder it was the murder of my best friend Tarnin Lynett, the only thing I could think of was that who ever did this is going to pay dearly for there crimes. I remember the first time we met. I had bumped into her at the mall, the first one ever built Southdale .

The year was 1956.

~Flash back~

"Oh I'm sorry miss I wasn't paying attention to were I was walking." I sheepishly said "Thats fine no harm done. My name is Tarnin, Tarnin Lynett." she said with a ghost of a smile on her face.

"My name is Luny Bird." I looked around to make sure no one was paying attention to us and said "Do you by any chance know Skullduggery Pleasant?" she laughed and said "I would answer but you would laugh at me If I did."

"No I don't think I will, I have seen many strange things in my life time." I gave a little laugh of remembrance. She had looked at me and reluctantly answered my question. "Yes I know him, but we are enemies. And hes a skeleton." she said obviously expecting me to laugh at her and call her crazy. But in stead I had said

"I knew I had heard that name before. And I bet you have heard of me, The deranged General Luny Bird who served faithfully under her brother. Also known as Luna Bird." I laughed and said "I have always wanted to meet you,But perhaps we could get to know each other at my house?" she had nodded.

~End Flash Back~

I smiled sadly at the memory and started to rack my memory for any potential enemy of hers.

I remebered this one time we were talking about instruments.

~Begin Flash Back~

"Luny why do you play the clarinet?" I answered immediately "Because I love the sound it makes, the way music sounds when you have a clarinet in it, Plus" here I had paused and said with a laugh "i can bash someones head in with it. It makes load sounds and is a weapon." I looked at her and said "why do you play the violin?"

"I play it Because it sounds beautiful." she said with a dreamy smile. It was some time later when we were done playing that she asked if I had any enemy's I had answered "I have to many to count, how bought you who are you enemy's?" she answred "A couple areGhastly Bespoke,China Sorrows, and Dusk." I laughed and said "We must act the same around them then because they try to kill me every time I am near them."

~End Flash Back~

We had laughed for hours at that one. I bent down to get a closer look at her corpse. I wanted to run away, but I owed it to her to try and figure this out. I bent a little closer noticing some thing sticking out of her pocket. I took a picture of it then pulled it out. It was a note to me. From her killer. Who ever this sick bastard was knew that this would get to me.

I immediately read the note.

_Dear Luny I'm sure you have figured it out by now,No well I'm not surprised I didn't leave a clue._

_How dose it feel to have you're best friend, you're only friend might I add, murdered by me a necromancer. The same one who murdered you're parents. I cant wait to see you. _

_Sincerely, S.W._

I knew that hand writing from anywhere. I got up quickly and went out the door revenge on my mind. I ran home to change into the proper attire, Black knee high boots, Neon pink short shorts, Neon yellow halter top that said I'M NOT INSANE YOU'RE JUST NORMAL!, and a neon green and black top hat with red lace on the rim.

My entire outfit screamed 'INSANE WOMAN' before I left to go beat that bastards ass I saw a picture of me and Tarnin laughing together.

~Begin Flash Back of That Day~

She was wearing her signiture out fit of Purple and Darkblue Scrubs with solid black shoes that I had written on with out her knowing. They said 'Danger I woke up this morining with one nerve left, AND YOU'RE GETTING ON IT!' she had laughed with me when she relised what I had done. We were tacking a picture so we would always remember our happy times together.

~End of Flash Back~

I shook my head to get my ming back on the task I had set before my self. I was pissed and ready to murder. With all my memories swirling around in my head I stormed out of the house of to kill the killer.

-time lasp-

I don't know how I knew exactly were he was or how I got here for that matter but I stormed into the warehouse interrupting a fight between him and my twin Skullduggery Pleasant. I graved the back of his shirt turned him a round and punched him square in the jaw before he had time to even register what I was doing I pulled out one of my double sided rapiers and slashed his side.

He finally got over the shock and said "Ah Luny how nice to see you. I see you got my note." "Wreath you dont have the right to call me by my first name. Why did you kill her?" I asked. I guess he could tell I was pissed because his eyes started to dart around looking for an escape route. I shook him hard and said "answer me damit!" he sighed and said "I did it because I had to. She was you're friend and I am going to break you one way or another sweet."

I pushed him away then pulled out my other sword and said " All you did was piss me off Wreath." with that said I jumped towards him and started fighting him.

The fight was pretty short and ended up with a beheaded necromancer. Skullduggery came over and said "Who did he kill?" "Tarnin, Skully he killed Tarnin just to get me to break." I laughed bitterly and Skully said "well you got you're revenge come one you need to bury her." I smiled sadly and nodded we walked out leaving Solomon's body to be found by the police who will never solve his murder.

However pissed I may be I do make sure that I will never be caught.

~The funereal~

"She was the best friend one could ever have. She may have seemed strict but when you get to know her she was a really fun person, the only thing I have to say know is that I'm sorry I wish it had been me instead of her." I said this with a heavy heart to the only people to show up,her only family left, her friends. We had buried her next to her family. After the funereal I walked away with a very sad heart and a sad smile remembering what her head stone said

Here Lies Tarnin Lynett

Born:3/21/1806

Died:1/2/2012

She was the best at everything. And she learned to play the clarinet so she could bash peoples heads in. May she kick ass in the after life.


	5. WAS WRITTEN AT 12:00 O CLOCK MIDNIGHT

_**Authors note: I have no clue were this is going and it is probably going to be a piece of crap but if any one likes it let me know cause I'm typing what comes to mind.**_

* * *

**It is common knowledge that Luny Bird has a sister, well not a blood sister but in all other ways Tarnin Lynett is her sister. Now that that is clear it brings us to the discussion that is currently going on...**

"Come on Luny you know I love you! It's just so so unsanitary." Tarnin said "But unsanitary conditions didn't stop you from going and fighting Dusk with me when he had _zombies _on his side and zombies are so unsanitary." Luny argued

**Now by now I'm sure you are wondering 'what the hell are they talking about' well listen and you will find out.**

"Luny I am not going to do this, you know how I feel about...that." "OH FOR THE LOVE OF- how in the world did you ever come to work as a nurse I will never know. Listen I hate needles to but if I'm willing to do it cant you do it for me, please" Luny pulled out her super duper deluxe puppy dog face here.

Tarnin took one look at her face and caved "Fine Luny, only for you though and we have to do this tomorrow ok."

* * *

Tarnin Lynett had skin that looked like she had a very good tan but if asked she would say 'I am black and white mixed and my skin is brown.' she was also relaxed most of the time. Her favorite color is Lavender and her hobby is playing the violin and she looked to be 20. Luny knew all this and more because well they had been friends for well over 700 years.

Luny Bird looked to be about 23 and had a light tan all year but was still envious of the tan her adopted younger sister always had. Luny's favorite color is _**any **_neon color. While Tarnin was relaxed most of the time Luny was hyper, loud, and most importantly insane with little periods of being sane. If asked Luny would shiver and say 'I never wish to be sane again, all the good ideas come from insane people.' Tarnin knew all that because once again she and Luny have been friends for over 700 years.

And both girls were ecstatic today having agreed to use a very old magic and create a blood bond all they had to do were be good friends and trust each other completely,done, feel like sisters already, once again done, and most important swap some blood, that is the tricky part as both girls really hate needles which is what they are going to use to draw the blood.

And that is how we find our two most important people in the situation that they are in.

* * *

"Luny I don't think I can do it." Tarnin said "Nonsense you stab me and I stab you them we put our fingers together and the rituals done, Listen Tarnin I love you as a sister of course but still if you don't want to do it I will stop it right now and we will do it anot- OUCH" Tarnin poked Luny with the needle and waited for Luny to poke her with the needle,witch she did quickly "now touch you finger to mine." Tarnin did as she was told and then Luny started to chant the chant she had to it was in Russian.

"_**Мы просим, чтобы нам быть сестры, потому что мы во всем, кроме крови. пожалуйста, даруй нам этот запрос, и мы будем принимать все последствия, которые могут возникнуть из-за этого. Мы готовы умереть друг за друга, пожалуйста, примите это и создает связь, что только две сестры когда-либо смогут поделиться.Undo editsMy prosim, chtoby nam bytʹ sestry, potomu chto my vo vsem, krome krovi. pozhaluĭsta, daruĭ nam etot zapros , i my budem prinimatʹ vse posledstviya , kotorye mogut vozniknutʹ iz-za etogo. My gotovy umeretʹ drug za druga , pozhaluĭsta, primite eto i sozdaet svyazʹ , chto tolʹko dve sestry kogda-libo smogut podelitʹsya.*"**_ there was a blinding flash of light and suddenly both girls got headaches, and passed out.

-several hours later-

Luny groaned as she came to and looked around at her surroundings. She knew this place, it was Skully's house, what was she doing here. Her eyes widened as she remembered, then she let out a bark of laughter before jumping up and following the new found link to Tarnin in to the bedroom next to hers.

"Where are we? How the hell did we get her? And the ritual worked!" Tarnin said all this in one breath really fast but Luny being used to it immediately answered just as fast. "Yes the ritual did work Sis! I have no clue how we got here and as for where here is well its Skully's house I think he's married or engaged, him and I don't talk much." Tarnin could detect the sadness in her voice so she decided to do something about it.

"Well why don't we go explore and find out the secrets of this old house and find out how we got here. I for one don't like being left in the dark about important stuff like this." she finished this with a nod and stood up. "I agree with you there Lil' Sis. Lets explore." With determined expressions on there face they went to explore the house however they didn't get far before they literally ran into someone or should we say a certain skeleton... "Skully how nice to see you. Could you answer some questions for us." Luny said jestering between herself and Tarnin. Without waiting for a reply she said

"Great! How the hell did we get here and why are we here?" "That's what I want to know Mrs. Bird" Skullduggery said. Luny visibly flinched and said "Well if you show us the way out we will leave little brother if that is what you want, and im sorry ok I wish I could have done something to help you just know it hurt me just as much maybe even more than it hurt you." Luny said all this with a sad look to her face.

Luny saw the look that Tarnin sent her way and she ignored it "Fine follow me Mrs. Bird." Skully said. Luny chanced a look at Tarnin and saw that she look angry and looked about to explode, 2 seconds later Luny was proven right. "GOD DAMNIT SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE HELLS GOING ON HERE THE TENSIONS SO THICK I COULD CUT IT WITH A KNIFE!" Tarnin yelled a little more then frustrated with the two siblings.

"Skully here blames me for his wife and child's death, and I cant blame him. If I had been just a little stronger a little quicker they would be alive, but I was a weakling and as the eldest I let him down and didn't protect him and his family. It should have been me, you see Tarnin the ritual we performed well Alanna, Skully's late wife, and I performed one almost like that. When she died a part of me died as well the ritual made us basically twins in every way. And no-one feels the loss of a loved one like a twin."

Tarnin and Skullduggery looked at Luny with a look of complete surprise "Luny its not your fault I'm sorry you feel that way. Can you forgive me." Skully asked he didn't sound to hopeful that he would be forgiven but with the look on his face, a mixture of sadness and shock, Luny did the only thing she could.

"Of course what are siblings for." Luny turned and looked at Tarnin and recognized a look of hurt and knowing that Tarnin thought Luny didn't want her as a twin Luny quickly corrected her thoughts. "Tarnin the ritual we used was much much stronger, put it this way you get cut I will get I cut in the exact same place, you die I die. I wouldn't be able to live with out you." Tarnin and Luny embraced each other in a hug. then Tarnin said "Sorry i doubted you're love for me, i should know better."

Luny laughed lightly and said "Yes you should have Lil' Sis."

-Several hundred years later-

"I personally think, Tarnin that this is a very bad spot were in." Luny said to her adopted younger sister, Tarnin, who was made a blood sister by a ritual nearly 800 years ago. "I have to agree Luny." Tarnin said to her adopted older sister, then together they said "LETS KICK SOME VAMPIRE ZOMBIE ASSES!" And started fighting for there lives, against Vampires turned Zombies or was it Zombies Turned Vampires?

**Sadly that was the last battle they ever fought but they did win it. And so ends our story of two friends who became sisters. They are buried next to each other and Luny Bird's tombstone read: Caring Loving older sister to Family and friends. Role Module for all, Defiantly for the Insane. She always kicked ass With her younger sister, Tarnin who is also Insane, lets hope she continues to do so in the afterlife.**

**And Tarnin Lynett's tombstone read: Caring younger sister who always got her older sister and best-friend out of trouble. Known to be best friends and younger sister of the insane Luny Bird. Tarnin kicked ass in this life and she will continue to do so by her best friends side in the after life.**

* * *

_**Authors note: ok the translation to the Russian is **_:_**We ask that we be made sisters, For we are in everything but blood. please grant us this request and we will accept all consequences that may occur because of this. we are prepared to die for each other, please accept this and create the bond that only two sisters could ever hope to share. **__**I know this is complete and utter crap but review please. **_


End file.
